When asked about fear do you think about something unpleasant happening to you? Does your mind focus in on the emotion of fear and you start looking around for what is coming?
I want to offer a different perspective that may be driving some of this fear. I often encounter this beast we call fear (and it can be a beast!) in the form of people fearing something awful happening. There is fear around what we don’t have (I don’t have enough money, I don’t have enough time, I don’t have enough patience). The list can really go on, can’t it?
Here is something I discovered that was an eye opener for me. Often the base of fear isn’t wrapped up in what might happen to us, what awful thing is coming our way, but rather it is based in a fear of losing something that we already have and (often desperately) want to keep.
A fear around not having enough money may actually be based in fear of losing control over time if you have to get a J-O-B. Fear of not having enough time may be actually based in a fear of losing the time we have dedicated to other things or people, especially to ourselves. Fear of losing patience may very well rest in a fear of losing someone important in our lives, like a significant other or relationship with a child.
It has been my experience that fear of loss trumps almost any fear. Fear of divorce is rooted in a fear of losing a partner. Fear of failure is rooted in losing ‘face’ or respect. Fear of intimacy is rooted in a fear of opening up to someone and losing them.
Now not every fear is based in loss, but I have found that many a fear is exactly that. I have been surprised at not only how prolific this root cause of fear is, but also how powerful it can be. This deep fear is really buried in the subconscious mind with layer after layer of other excuses to hide beneath. When we think we have dealt with the cause, we are confused and frustrated that the fear is still rearing its ugly head in our thoughts and lives.
So how do we start addressing this base of fear?
- Honesty. We must be extremely honest with ourselves. That can be a very difficult thing. But think of it this way, if we cannot be honest when we are alone with ourselves – then we will never be truly honest with those we care about. This root cause cuts to the very core of our being. Until we can identify it within ourselves we cannot ever truly address changing the limiting beliefs that arise from this fear.
- Identification. It is so important to identify where these thoughts are hindering us and flushing them from our subconscious mind. The goal is to push those negative beliefs out so there is more room for much more productive thoughts. Journaling is a great way to work through surfacing these buried fears and addressing them. Once they are in black and white, it is much easier to develop a game plan for erasing these from your mind.
- Review of paradigms and conditioning. Our past most certainly affects how we view fear and loss. Whether based in divorce, lack of money, relationships rife with difficulty, and the list goes on, we must take a serious look at how our past conditioning and current paradigms feed this fear.
- Create affirmations to replace the negativity. Instead of I will not fear lack of money, create a more powerful affirmation that addresses the deeper cause of the fear. I am so happy and grateful that I have a continued abundance of money entering my life every day.
- Keep track. Unfortunately replacement of negative paradigms with positive ones is not a one time exercise. It is a process that must be monitored. And be forgiving of yourself. These negative paradigms have been given room and board in your subconscious mind for decades. Their effect won’t disappear in a day. So monitor your thoughts and be vigilant. If you find yourself feeling the fear just journal, review your affirmations, write new powerful affirmations – do what you need to do to stop the backwards slide.
I will admit that I am less concerned with diagnosing the actual cause of this seed of fear of loss being planted within us. While I know we must review our past and see where it might have originated as a point of reference, it is more important for identifying how our beliefs are affecting us today. Once we see where they are affecting our lives today, we can take action of how we can eliminate those beliefs. While these beliefs may have very well been influenced by others, we ourselves have chosen to internalize it and allow it to affect how we live our lives presently.
It is not our responsibility to eradicate this from others lives and finding someone to blame for planting the seed in the first place is, in my opinion, a waste of more precious time and often an excuse to not directly deal with our own issues that we allow to persist in our lives. I know that may sound harsh, but I truly believe that we will get farther by addressing our own actions and course correcting than trying to get others to see things they aren’t ready for. After all, this is your journey to better your life, not theirs.
While this cause of fear tends to be more deeply rooted than perhaps other limiting beliefs the great news is that you have the power to rid these thoughts from your mind. You can create abundance and overcome fear of loss. You possess the power to oust the negative and fill your mind with positive. And that is exciting!
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I’ve used the phrase “but it’s not fatal” often during my life as I’ve faced something that had a fear-factor to it. Looking at the potential loss and deciding how hard it would be to deal with it has been a useful place to start. Note I said “potential.” If we really pay attention, we’ll see that more often than not what we fear does NOT happen. It’s the old “a coward dies a thousand deaths …” from Shakespeare. When you combine the fact that the loss is survivable, plus the low odds that it will happen at all, fear becomes easier to live with …
Great perspective Sharon! And so true – more times than not the fear we have built up in our minds never come to pass. The trick will be keeping that in mind!
Great article. I agree there is definitely a link between fear and loss. While it’s hard to confront, I try my best…and try to live more in the moment, not worry about the “what if’s”
Thank you Elisa! That is a wonderful strategy. Living in the moment highlights what we actually have power over and what actually ‘is’. Worrying about ‘what if’s’ is worrying about things that don’t really exist. Staying in the moment will really help in focusing on what actually is.
Fear definitely can be a stumbling block in my life, I occasionally have to remind myself that fear is not real and to change my thoughts 🙂 thank you!
You are welcome Gilly. That is powerful: have to remind myself that fear is not real. Just acknowledging this helps to conquer that fear and focus on what is.
Fear is a big 4 letter word. It is something most people have experienced at one time or another. If they are really honest with themselves, they experience it at various levels and to various degrees quite frequently. Being honest and identifying your fears are the first step to overcoming because how can you overcome what you are really not aware of. My answer to overcoming fears is to pray about them. God is amazing to help me have the courage to take that first step of faith that will help me overcome.
I agree Pat! Honestly facing fear is necessary. Without facing it it can become so large and seemingly unconquerable. Then it’s easier not to address it.
fear tends to the big monster that’s under everyone’s bed at some point in their lives. I usually confront mine.
That is awesome that you confront your fear, Veronica. Developing good habits at dealing with fear makes it easier if (when) it tries to visit again! 🙂
Very informative post. One of my fear is doubt. I doubt myself a lot and I find it is restricting me from doing a lot of things. The good news is that I have identified my fear and I am working on becoming free of my self doubt.
You are so right Marielle. And congrats for identifying it! Sometimes that is illusive and can be frustrating. But once you ‘see’ it then it is not so nebulous and you can develop a plan to deal with it.
Great article with so much information. What you said was an eye opener: “Now not every fear is based in loss, but I have found that many a fear is exactly that.” I agree! Thanks for sharing how fears can be addressed!
You are so welcome Alexandra! There are usually deeper layers to our fears than we initially think. Once you can really identify the true root cause it can be easier to deal with and most likely will not revisit as often!
very well written and enjoyable read thanks for sharing.
You are very welcome Jessica! Thank you for stopping by!
Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions about confronting fear. Nice post!
You are welcome Dawn! Thanks for reading!
This is an exceptional post on the subject of fear. This is a BIG discussion in the artworld right now. Sharing
Thank you Robin!
Interesting insight- fear coming from fear of loss. Losing rather than moving forward and facing fear. Either way you dont eliminate fear but learn to be with it and not let it stop you.
That is key Roz – fear will most likely return throughout our lives, but learning to handle it directly and putting it in its place will serve for years to come.
I wish we could teach young people this before fear even has a chance to settle in…the good news is it’s never too late for those who will listen!
You are so right, Connie! It is never too late! I hope we get this message to folks earlier in life as well!
It’s interesting when I recognize fear, I realize that fear comes from a past experience that I’ve either experienced, seen, or heard. When I recognize fear, I tend to look at it and figure out why I am fearful in the first place. Once I realize the cause, then I start to take the first baby step to accomplish it and once that’s done, slowly the fear goes away! Really enjoyed your post! Thank you. 🙂
Thanks Nate! I am such a HUGE fan of baby steps. Any action is better than no action! Seeing the fear and tracing it is so important to developing those baby steps!
I would brave to say that over 75% of limiting beliefs are fear-based. This is great insight, I will share it with a few people I know could use it. Good job.
I would agree, Norma! Fear is just so sneaky and it is so damaging. Once we get a handle on our fear the empowerment is amazing!
I believe that we have that power to remove the negativity.. It is all up to us, and to rid ourselves of the fear factors.. It is not easy but can be done.
You are right – it’s not easy.. It’s like developing a muscle – the more we get a handle on fear the easier it will get. But first we must make the choice to rid ourselves of it.
Fear is deeply rooted in the unknown and is fueled by a deep insecurity or a challenge to the status quo and the way one thinks or believes. Your suggestions are excellent. I really appreciate “honesty” as one of your points. Until you get honest with yourself, you will never confront the fears or the lies that you tell yourself that drive the fears.
Thank you, Don! Being really honest with oneself can be so difficult – but that is actually the door of opportunity. Then you can grow in ways you never knew!
Usually people are afraid of loss because they don’t keep their identities, in relationships, at work. Loss is going to happen, no matter what we do. People change, working situations evolve. More important is to stay in tune with ourselves, and know what we are made of. When we stay strong and confident, we can overcome a lot of fears.
I love your point of knowing who we are and what we are made of. Then “loss” can become just part of the/our journey.