Who do you keep close to you?
Who is in your inner circle?
Do you tolerate them? Or do you look forward to spending time with them?
Do you have goals? Are they different than the goals of those around you?
Do you hide those goals? Or do you find support via the people you associate with?
Yes, this is driving toward who is in your tribe? Don’t think it is important?
I bet I can tell who is in your tribe by your goals and your rate of success in achieving them.
You may not see it at first, but your group can be the status quo. Is that bad? Depends on if you want to grow or not. Status quo does not lend itself well to growth. That is because growth equals change – in some degree or fashion. Status quo doesn’t like change. It disturbs the equilibrium.
Often when we raise our goals they raise above our current group. If you are raising your awareness, or trying something entrepreneurial in spirit – that is often outside the comfort zone of the group of folks with whom we have associated.
And the cold hard fact is that they haven’t changed. You have.
I remember when I experienced this for the first time. It almost felt like it was an out of body experience!
I no longer related to the behavior of the group I was in. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me! I hadn’t seemed to have this issue when I had hung out with this larger group before. Why now? I was madly texting my life coach trying to figure it out. She let me know that my tribe had changed.
Luckily I had already begun to expand my tribe to include people who supported my goals whole heartedly. I had a tribe who pushed me to meet my goals and raise them higher next time. I associated with people who challenged me to stretch and continue learning. This tribe had no place for status quo.
Does this mean you dump everyone who is not expanding their horizons like you may be doing? Well, it would be too easy to just say yes. Here’s the main fly in the ointment of that too easy theory – family!
Unless you are in an unusually toxic environment, you normally can’t just write off your family. So you must understand how much time you can spend with them. You will need to create a protective bubble and not let their comments affect your dreams and goals. And yes, I understand that it’s easier said than done.
And as for the old friends – they serve a place in your life as well. You share history and memories.
So clearly I am not suggesting you dump everybody who may not be as supportive of your new way of thinking. Plus a little dose of devil’s advocate can often make sure you are on track and clear on your goals. But what I learned is that I cannot spend high quality time with those that do not support me in my goals. I can spend some time – but not tons. I can carve out a place in my life for them, but they gradually move from my inner circle to a wider circle of people around me.
Here are some tips for handling your change and the status quo of family and friends:
- Allow those around you to be themselves. They are who they are and unless it is toxic, you attracted them into your life and they serve a purpose for you. By the same token, don’t be afraid to let people go if they are toxic.
- It is literally ok to ask the Universe, or St. Michael, or whoever, for a protective bubble to shield you from non-supportive energy. PS: It’s an invisible bubble so no one knows!
- Carry a card with your goals/dreams written on them. When people who aren’t quite supportive try to down talk your endeavors find a quiet place (even the bathroom will do!) and read this card. Use it as inspiration to keep you on track!
- You don’t have to make a scene if the people you have spent a lot of time with need to shift to a more outer circle. Just let it happen.
- Seek out a tribe more inclined to your thinking as you grow. They don’t have to replace your tribe before, but they can have dibs on high quality time.
- If you find yourself succumbing to status quo – ask yourself: what is your personal growth worth? Is it something to be cheaply bartered?
Is this mean? Well, let me ask you – how bad do you want your dreams? How much do your goals mean to you? No one promised an easy breezy path to attaining them. You want them, sometimes you have to fight for them.
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Great post! Very valuable tips for handling change! needed the reminder, thanks!
Thanks Norma! Keeping an amazing tribe is essential in moving forward. I am glad you are in my tribe!
I did have a change in tribe also. Once I retired from my corporate job to pursue my passion of being a blogging coach and speaker, I left behind the life of old. I still say hi but things have changed.
I also remember a time I was having lunch with a friend and everything that came out of her mouth was negative and ugly. So I asked her if she could just share one positive thing that happened in her life today. The shock on her face was one I will never forget.
Now she looks for only the positive in her life. 🙂
Way to go Katrina! I love the way you helped a friend make the shift to the positive!
Great post! It is definitely inspiring to keep the company of those who encourage your dreams. Who do you think encourages you the most in your life?
Thanks Lorii. My parents are instrumental in my life. They are my biggest cheerleaders. Plus I have an inner circle that are always there. I cherish them!
I have a close group of friends who stayed with me for the last 20+ years. No matter where life took us, we stayed in touch. Now we are spread on three continents and we still meet. That’s my “tribe”. 🙂
That is so awesome Simona. I noticed the older I got the fewer, but tighter knit, group I kept around me.
Thanks for a great article.. I sent this to a friend of mine since we were both discussing this about a month ago. I’ve noticed in the past 10 years that I have had 3 different sets of friends. Now I know why 🙂
Thanks for sharing the post Kelly!! It’s definitely interesting to look back and see how your tribe has morphed with your growth.
great post! Change is good and we really have to take time to evaluate.
Thanks Veronica! Change and evaluation go hand in hand don’t they? It’s always good to take some time and look at where you are and take a snapshot on how you are doing to achieve goals (or NOT doing).
I participate in communities and every now and then someone stands out as special.
It’s always great to have those stand outs come across you path, isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by Rosalyn.
Thanks for the great information. Some of my tribe has changed over the past few years, always for the better!
Thanks Meli! It’s awesome to see your tribe grow and expand and help push you to be better and chase your dreams!
This is wonderful advise and inspiration. It’s not always easy to leave (you know, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t), but sometimes it’s necessary.
Take the step and take care of yourself.
Absolutely Tina! Often the up-leveling shift is hard, but it must happen so you can take care of yourself and be at your best to serve others.
Interesting post, I think it is smart to periodically access if we are keeping the best company as we are influenced by that in all aspects of our life. I agree with you that does not mean we necessarily drop them but rather set boundaries on their influence on us.
Exactly Terri – we need to be ok with adjusting our boundaries and how we spend our time. Great point!
This post gets 5 gold stars!
yes really! Fabulous.. a to the point article with obstacle overcoming tips.
Thank you!
Thank you so much Robin! I keep these coming twice a week, so I hope you’ll be back. 🙂
Really nice post/message/tips – they shake up your thinking and invite you to reevaluate. This reminds me of the old adage that ‘we are the company we keep’. So true – both in life and in business. The only thing guaranteed in life is change. Makes you wonder sometimes why it’s so hard for us to go with the flow 🙂
You are so right Dawn – we are the company we keep and we are known more by the people we spend high quality time with. That was the shift for me – how much time I spend with people in my life. There’s room for almost all, but I did have to prioritize. And here’s to change, right? 🙂 Thanks for visiting!
What a lovely post, Lynn. Thanks for sharing these tips. I believe that change is good. Taking time out to step aside and re-evaluate. 🙂
Thank you Alexandra! Change is (while scary) full of fantastic opportunities as long as you are aligned. Sometimes we are nudged to notice our changes. But if we step up, it’s full of wonderful things!
I have looked into joining tribes.. but gave up for no real reason.. Great Post!
Just look at those friends and family around you – you are in a tribe…. kinda by default. 🙂
my dreams is my tribe. a great post and enjoyed it.
Thanks Amar!
Great post. And my tribe is my heart. Thank you.
Thanks Sara! And yes, it is so important to have your heart present in your tribe! Agreed!!
It is great advice when you feel like it’s time for a change to step aside and take a good look at how things are going. Great post today 🙂 Stopping by from UBC.
Thank you Loretta. As we change we need to be aware of our surroundings as they will undoubtedly need to change somewhat.